Don’t we all get stuck with important decisions! One the one hand – yes; on the other hand – no. We’re obliged to make a choice.
Flip a coin?
I know a better way.
How to Solve a Problem
- Find three chairs, or designate three places in a room.
- Place no 1 is you, as you are in your life right now, except that you must practice grounding. My favourite exercise is below.
- Place number 2 is one alternative
- Place number 3 is its opposite, or a different choice: up to you to designate.
Hint: Designate as precisely as you can.
Now to work.
Part 1. Grounding
- Sit on a chair in a peaceful place where you are unlikely to be disturbed.
- Sit with your back comfortably upright, feet firmly on the ground about hip-width apart, hands palm up.
- Shut your eyes.
- Let your breathing breathe. In about three or four breaths it will settle into a natural rhythm.
- Now imagine you are a vase, and that your breath fills you like water flowing into a vase, from the bottom up.
- Don’t force your breath. Don’t over-breathe or hyperventilate. Just intend your breath to do this and it will. A hand as low down on the belly as possible will help.
- Now imagine that your butt is a second pair of lungs, so the base of your vase becomes bigger.
- Imagine that your thighs are a third pair of lungs, so the base of your vase becomes bigger still.
Now you’re really here, present and in the moment.
Part 2. Solving the problem
- Walk mindfully to one of the chairs.
- Notice how you feel at all stages.
- How do you feel as you choose which chair to move to?
- As you get up?
- As you approach the chair
- As you stand before it
- As you sit on it
- When you are ready do the same for the second chair.
- Your body will tell you what the right decision is. It will approach the chair that designates the decision that best benefits you more willingly than the other chair.
- As you move towards that chair you will feel better and stronger.
- When you sit in that chair your will feel more empowered than on the chair that that represents the less good decision.
Some advice:
- Let your mind rest and observe. It has nothing else to do. Don’t allow yourself to make judgements.
- Let your body teach you. Our body is our connection with our instinctive animal nature. It’s the part of us that senses and knows. As long as you take the time to be fully grounded, your body won’t let you down. A body that us used intelligently is a great source of Guidance.
A Cautionary Case History
Lisa had to choose between two men friends. She did the two chair exercise above. The choice was obvious. Her body didn’t hesitate to go to one of the chairs.
Lisa’s head was unhappy with the decision. Her ego got in the way. Her vanity got in the way. Her issues with men got in the way. Lisa was attached to being in a position of choosing between two men.
Lisa didn’t follow her Guidance. In the end she hurt both men, and now she’s alone and lonely again.
Poor Lisa.
Some more help with problem solving
Here’s another variety of the exercise, this time done standing up.
Here’s the problem: You are forced to take a job through lack of choice. It often happens, doesn’t it?
- Designate three spaces.
Space 1 is for your Aware Ego, the part of you that is looking and learning and is without judgement. This term comes from Voice Dialogue, a method created by Hal and Sidra Stone. Read their books for a wonderful treat and powerful help with decisions.
Space 2 is for you in the job.
Space 3 is for the Unexpected advantages of the job. After all, all jobs enable you to meet people and gain experience, even if, as the famous quotation says, “Experience is what we get when we didn’t get what we wanted.”
- Remember to do the grounding exercise.
- Stand in your Aware Ego space. Now move to You in the job.
- Step bravely and decisively from You in the job to Unexpected advantages.
- Stand very still, be very grounded, pay careful attention to all your feelings and ideas.
- Keep ego with its wants and desires and confusions out of the way.
- Let inspiration come.
These exercises are among the ways I cope in my life. I hope they’ve been useful to you. I hope they will inspire you to create your own similar exercises for moments of conflict.